he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
