even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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