party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Can vaginas get frostbite?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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