Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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