Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
No more Irish car bombs ever.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
