mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
