Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
