Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
