My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Where is the hickey?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
