Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
farters have to be the big spoon...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
