the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
