i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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