if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
