i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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