Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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