Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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