I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Quick, to the slutcave!
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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