You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
