the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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