I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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