Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
