Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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