He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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