No I am not eating basil off your cock
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
