I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
