I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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