his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize