Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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