She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
