Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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