Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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