I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
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