Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize