i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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