I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
