Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Randomize
