yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
