I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
