how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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