Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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