I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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