Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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