I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
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