Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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