Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
