dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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