And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
