ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
