I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
