Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
