I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize