I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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