Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize