so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
i think i just lost a toe
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
