I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I want a musical about memes.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize