Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
