i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
