there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
