Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize