There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
