Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize