At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
