That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just high enough for therapy.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
