i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
