He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
