he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize