well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
