she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize