when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
