I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Bring me that man meat
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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