Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
