Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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